Part 30
The center was definitely starting to take shape. The walls were up and there were more and more cars and trucks at the site that Anna passed every day on purpose. She always saw John’s truck there; they had been seeing each other but it was always after church at the donut shop. The owner knew them by name, and Katie was out of John’s arms and trying to lug the high chair over to “their” table by the window as soon as they came in.
Anna had done what Fr. Jim had recommended; she returned to Reconciliation and she had a frank talk with her pastor.
“Fr. Jim, I feel like damaged goods. What good man would want someone who has behaved as I have?” she asked honestly.
“God’s forgiveness and mercy are unbounded, Anna. There is no sin that He can’t forgive, which is a good thing because every single one of us still manages to commit them. Small ones sometimes. Big ones are more difficult because they leave the soul more damaged. There is more to heal,” he said. “You need to understand that when something is within God’s plan for you, somehow it all works out.”
“Thank you, Father. I would probably be doing better except for the fact that I compare my sinful life to others I see and they are so clean, so much more innocent,” she said.
“Ah, well that is where we need to draw the line for sure. We must only compare ourselves to God and then we can truly see how short we fall. Sin is sin. It is all bad and no one is exempt from it, Anna. Just keep praying, not for forgiveness from these past sins, but to be able to let go of your guilty feelings.”
Anna left feeling somewhat better. She had been doing a better job of praying and reading her Bible, and had found a wonderful little spot in her house for just that purpose. It was the spare room which was now a spare bedroom, but she had put a little desk in there and also hung a picture of her mother in the room. It was cozy because the room was over the living room and the floor was warm. She had splurged on some beautiful drapes and a bedspread. Whenever she walked into the room, she felt peace flowing over her. She felt the presence of God. In this room, she poured out her heart and let go of her feelings of unworthiness. But she knew that in reality the only person whom she had a reasonable chance of controlling was herself. She could never control the reactions of others to her mistakes.
On her way home the next evening, she saw John’s truck and because she was finishing up a little later than usual, John was walking towards it talking to another man. She pulled up into a space and waited for him.
As John got closer she could hear his voice and apparently he hadn’t seen her at all. The two men stopped about two cars away from hers and John was gesturing with his hand toward the building. He was obviously upset and now Anna could hear the words. He let go of a slew of cuss words that Anna hadn’t heard since a guy at work had spilled hot coffee that splashed all over his shoes. She was going to back up and leave, but just then John glanced around and saw her. His face flushed bright red and he held up his index finger in a sign to wait for him.
He and the man finished their talk and shook hands. He walked over to her car.
“Anna, I apologize. It’s been a long, frustrating day but there is no excuse for my language,” John said, his face still red.
“It’s all right,” Anna said. “I’ve heard the words plenty of times.”
“But I really try not to do that. Again, I’m sorry. So how are you?” John said, changing the subject.
“Good. Had a long day too and I saw your truck so I just kind of pulled in here on the spur of the moment,” Anna said.
“Well, are we on for Sunday then? Katie talks about you all the time,” John said.
“Oh, she does? And has my name changed at all?” Anna asked.
“No, you are still Kiki and it looks like it might stick. She is a creature of habit. She has names for everyone whether or not they are close to correct or not. You heard what she calls Janet’s son, didn’t you?” he asked.
“No, I never heard her say that,” Anna said.
“His name is Mark but she calls him Mucky. Oh, it’s really funny. And he keeps trying to tell her how to say his name right, but she goes on. Janet’s other kids call him that too,” John said, smiling.
They wound up their conversation quickly, both of them tired and ready to go home.
“It was good to see you, John,” Anna said. “And donuts sound good for Sunday.”
No comments:
Post a Comment