The Blame Game

The old soap opera, "Days of Our Lives," has one thing right -- the title.  Our lives are indeed made up of individual days and if we aren't careful one goes into the other and so on without much thought or reflection.

Do you know anyone who constantly harps on the negative in their life?  No conversation that you have with this individual can go on for too long without being brought back to the focus of their negative attention.  Sounding familiar?  How about you try to give them some advice, or at least something to chew on for a while?  Oh, no, that never works.  They have an answer for everything you mention -- tried that, didn't work, never going to try it again, waste of time, etc.

There is a name for this sort of individual -- a negaholic.  They are people who just feed on negative energy and obsess on every little detail.  To some real extent, negaholics are addicted to the "nenergy" and push everything else aside to focus on it. 

Not too surprisingly, people who know and love negaholics tend to avoid them after a while.  Because they exude negativism being in their presence for too long is very uncomfortable.  People who know and love them have drained their own energy in trying to help the person out of the well of destruction with absolutely no success.  Eventually, to preserve what little positive thoughts they still have, they distance themselves.  They have to drink from the well of hope and love to restore themselves.  The negaholic's reaction -- "No one cares about me."

Negative people take little responsibility for what they have done in their lives and find someone or something to blame.  There is no shortage of targets to choose for this blame and when one doesn't work so well anymore, they'll just find another one.  Negative people are often the ones who prompt a person who tried to help say, "Oh, well, no good deed goes unpunished." 

Negaholics to a very real extent become victims all through life.  Since they never take the blame for anything, all of the "wrongs" that have been done to them build up and become the basis for their life experience.  With each new experience, rather than hope for something good, they immediately look for something to go wrong.  If they are fortunate enough to get a new car, they keep a log book detailing all of the things that aren't right so they can write the company.  If they buy some new clothes, they don't fit right, don't launder well, and aren't well made.  And if they have a friend, the friend is full of faults too!!

My husband worked for a woman like this.  Her house was a disaster because her deceased husband, a chronic do-it-yourselfer, didn't really know what he was doing.  She qualified for some government assistance to repair her house and undo some of the mistakes, and my husband became the hapless person who tried to assist.  He fixed her bathtub and she accused him of making it drain the wrong way.  He repaired some other areas of the home which were not plumb or level and then her son came over and "showed" his mother all of the "mistakes".  Finally, she contacted the Franklin Township Trustees about her dissatisfaction with the work my husband did at her home.  The woman loudly complained at a public meeting about the quality of work my husband did.  An inspector came out and met him there to go over the work, and the inspector said that the work was very good, especially given what he had to work with.  But there was no way to discuss any of this with the woman; she was in third gear riding along in her negaholic world.  And her son was right behind her.

The blog about Charley should make any one of us take note.  Charley has found joy in life!!  Even confined to a cot, he smiles and appreciates.  God so loves Charley. 

What we can do to reflect back to God the love that he showers on us is to love others.  While we are doing that, there is no room in our hearts for negativism.  If we are praying for others, the hope that is Christ floods our minds and drives out all that pulls us away.  In a quiet moment of the day, we relish the silence and recall what Jesus said, "Ask and you shall receive; seek and ye shall find; knock and the door shall be opened for you."  Please Lord -- help those whose eyes are blinded to Your goodness.

On another note -- my niece tends to find helpless kittens a lot.  Her neighbor recently found four little ones, and she again raised this litter herself.  She says that they are gentle and love to sleep with her and follow her around the house.  She showers these kittens with love so that they become exceptional adult cats who trust humans.  They've already been to the vet's and had their first shots.  There are two girls and two boys.  The pet shop that usually sells her kittens (she takes no money from them) is full right now.  She is looking for good homes.  If you are interested in a special little kitten (or two), just let me know at knelsen@uakron.edu and I can make arrangements.

Thanks.