Necessity is the mother of invention. I agree with Plato on this one. Unless we are forced by some exigent circumstances, we go along our merry little ways unchallenged.
Back in the 1980s and 1990s when my sons were getting old enough to get themselves into real trouble, I was stressed. During the day I coped with it pretty well, but it was at night that apparently all of my fears and worries for them came to a head. I clenched my teeth. Pretty soon, I was getting some jaw pain and headaches, and my jaw was making noises.
I consulted my dentist and he could tell that I'd been clenching my teeth at night. This differs from the grinding that some people do. I don't grind which is much worse, but the clenching doesn't do a body any favors either. So he sent me to a specialist who made me a bite guard. And that bite guard worked for a long, long time until recently it started to fall apart. Knowing full well that the device cost $400, I did a little investigation to find out what a new one would cost and my best estimate is around $800. Wow.
So I thought -- maybe I don't even clench my teeth at night anymore. Maybe I don't need a new bite guard at all. That lasted one night and by the next morning I knew I was still doing this ridiculous thing -- had this ridiculous habit.
Martha Stewart immediately came to mind. Martha doesn't really have to worry about spending $800 on a bite guard, but this is a woman who in one issue of her magazine demonstrated how to DYE old tennis shoes. Really? And the dye she used was blue. If I ever did such a thing, I know exactly what would happen. For at least the rest of the summer, I'd have Smurf blue feet, and can you imagine how svelte I'd really look in sandals?
But you have to give Martha credit. She does seem to work hard. That gave me a little verve -- which might be a combination of vitality and nerve? Don't know. Sounds good, doesn't it?
I had a bite guard that I bought on a whim at the pharmacy when I was going to try and replace the other one a while back. It was like sports shoe cushioning and thick and bulky. It made me gag. But being kind of cheap, I'd kept the thing. It was one of those boil-it-and-it-will-fit kind of deals. I took the monstrosity out to the kitchen where I could really get a good look at it. Got out some scissors and a serrated kitchen knife and started to do a little clipping here and there. Cut off the sides that fit into the back molars to avoid the gagging. And I trimmed the part that fits over the front teeth. Ouila! A new bite guard.
It's been several days now and the bite guard is hanging in there. I don't have headaches. My jaw isn't sore and I'm not out any money. When this one starts falling apart, I'll just buy another cheap one and go to work in my bite guard laboratory and create another one. Perhaps by then I'll be even better at it and maybe I'll even get out my electric Dremel Multi-Pro (drill, sander, crafter).
Martha -- and you thought that dying tennis shoes was bold!! However, I noticed that on the humorous list that someone compiled about how Martha prepares for Christmas, I see that on December 13 she collects dentures which it says, makes excellent pastry cutters, particularly for decorative pie crusts. Hmmmm. And that's the day after, "Take dog apart. Disinfect. Reassemble." The day after she, "Installs plumbing in the gingerbread house." But my personal favorite -- December 11 -- Lay Faberge egg.
May the light of the Lord shine upon you. Thanks for reading.
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