Trust

From very long ago, nearly 40 years past, I knew how important it was to be able to trust.  Children who are shuffled here and there, who are promised this or that, and who are never quite sure what might come next don't often fare well in this life.  For from the very beginning, they have lost the ability to trust.

Once when my son was a little boy, a doctor decided that he should stay another day in the hospital for a test.  The thing is, the doctor's nurse had made it clear to me that it would be a one-day stay, and I had told my son that very thing.  He was banking on getting out of the hospital the next morning and his little boy "nerves" were starting to get to him already.  For me this was a time when I had to draw a line in the sand, and I infuriated the doctor by not following his "orders."  He turned out not to be the best doctor anyhow.  So we went home as planned.  I told the doctor point blank, "It is more important at this moment for my son to be able to trust me than anything else.  We can always do another test."  His condition was not life threatening whatsoever, or things might have been different.

In that moment of explaining to the doctor that we'd like to check out the next morning, I saw a side of him that was not very flattering.  He just didn't have the understanding that we needed at that moment.  And at that moment I lost trust in the doctor.

Later, we sought the counsel and help of a wonderful doctor at Children's Hospital in Akron.  His demeanor and methods were entirely different and so much more professional.  We got to the root of the problem and got it solved.

Going through life not trusting anyone produces another result in so many cases.  The individual who does not trust can become untrustworthy him or herself.  If he doesn't see the good in others or believe that others are being honest with him, then what would be the motivation for being honest with someone else?  The scarring that comes from being a kid being disappointed again and again, lied to, or worse is frequently forever.

Our priest talks a lot about forgiveness.  He thinks that forgiving is at the heart of healing, spiritual or physical.  He speaks about his own struggles with forgiveness and how he tried to forgive with the mind but it was never enough.  He needed God's help to forgive from his heart. 

That's why, for me, being around children is so special and such a responsibility all at the same time.  Children are so open.  People always talk about the resiliency of children, and there is some truth to that.  But I don't believe that they are quite as resilient as we think.  They might appear to sail through something rough, but they are also great at masking their hurts. 

My granddaughter sometimes wants something.  It might be as simple as her pronouncing, "We're going to see Mommy."  But the truth is we're not going to see Mommy right at that minute.  So I usually say, "Well, we're not going to see Mommy right now."  And then she thinks about it and says, "Maybe later."  And she's good with that, but I try to be honest with her.  I want her to be able to trust me.

Trust between parents and children, trust between husbands and wives, trust between people at work, and the most important trust -- trusting God -- is a huge part of our lives.  Without that trust, the joy of life evaporates.  We all must seek to be trustworthy people, and that might mean forgiving someone who broke trust with us in the past.  Not easy to do -- but it's a good first step in healing.