Sitting on the Fence

This winter's brute force, severe cold, and unrelenting snowfall has done a number on me.  It has made me take stock and store of our lives here in this house that we built and see the writing on the wall.  We're getting older, slower, and like most Americans our age have a few "issues."  Couple that with a house that was really created for a young family, young parents, and you have a bit of a mess.

My friends tell me pointedly, "You guys need to move."  My son, not mincing any words, said, "You're too old to live in that house." 

Sometimes you just have to remove all of the emotion and feelings from a situation and look at bare bones.  When we built the house, we figured that it being a ranch we could live out our years here with no problem.  But the driveway does have a slope to it, and we do live in the woods, so there are "issues" here too.  The acre or so that we keep as grass seems to get larger.  It was nothing for my husband to juggle what he had to do around here plus work, and it was nothing for me to keep the house fairly neat and orderly and work.  But we are now both retired and if we were to move to a house that needs a little less effort, there would be more time to do other things.  And certainly for my husband whose health is more precarious than mine, it might give him a little relaxation.

Doesn't it say in the Bible that for everything there is a season?  This house was a 27-year season in our lives, and we have absolutely loved it.  In early spring before the undergrowth springs up again, I still love to take walks in the back 40.  It is so peaceful and beautiful back there, with large trees, shade and stillness.  We have witnessed the glory of God in the magnificent sunrises and sunsets so clearly visible from the east and west.  We've planted, fertilized and mowed, adding hundreds of plants, trees and shrubs since we moved here.

Honestly, each time I went online to see about going here or there for a vacation, it all seemed so pointless because living here has been a vacation almost every single day.  The only thing we are missing is water, although a neighbor's pond is easy to see out our bedroom window.  There was never anywhere to escape to, and the inspiration to buy the property came from a vacation in the woods in Deep Creek Lake, Maryland where our family enjoyed a number of great visits.

My husband views my discussion about moving as more or less a criticism of the house, and it is definitely not meant that way.  He also has a hard time realizing that he can't do what he used to do so a discussion about a move might make him feel diminished in some way or defeated in another.  And then my husband does what he does a lot of times when he feels uneasy -- he gets very crabby.  And that definitely doesn't help.  Last night, he finally did admit that if we moved, it would make things much easier for him.  Touche!!!

The hard part is first letting go and seeing that home is where we are, wherever that happens to be.  The other hard part is trying to imagine a move and the exhausting amount of work that would entail.  Thinking about all of the address changes that would have to be made.  Thinking about memorizing a new phone number (if we venture outside of Canal Fulton) after using the same one for more than 40 years.  But as the house cleaning experts and organizers always say, you start with one room at a time.  Make the big amount of work manageable by breaking it down into smaller pieces.

That, and making arrangements for the Blackie situation.  It might take a little thought.  I've been praying that God will tell us when and soon enough that we have the strength and the stamina to do a lot of it ourselves. 

God has richly blessed us by allowing us to be here in this place.  It has been a season.  And now, with His help, we will begin preparing for a change. 

If you know anyone who would like to have a wooden highchair for free, I have one.  It's in perfect condition.  Just let me know at knelsen@uakron.edu.